photo by William J Hines
I began this semester with a full plate in each hand and a jug of water balancing on my head, or at least that’s how it felt. Much of what took up my time was my on-campus involvement. Other activities that I enjoy such as yoga, leisurely reading, hiking, and spending time with friends and family were paired down to a bare minimum.
I looked around at the students of whose league I was now a part. They all put in eight hour days on campus and never seemed fully relaxed. Early on in the semester I realized I’d taken on too much and decided to drop two of my classes. As time went on it became clear to me that I was still overbooked.
A sense of dis-ease started to settle over me. As I looked at these all-star students I was surrounded by, I asked myself: is that what I aspire to? Where does this path I’m on lead to? Is that the life I want? Or am I just on this path because it’s the culturally expected route for me to take?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the connection between my current life choices and the future I envision for myself is at best tenuous. As a creative writing major living in San Francisco, I would spend all of my time reading, writing and working to make rent and for what exactly? So I can graduate and get some entry level job as a copy editor? So I can work for free as an intern? So I can hang my degree on a wall?
I realized that getting a BA in creative writing in no way directly translates to the type of life I want…so what the f*** am I doing??
Well what kind of life do you want then?
I want adventure. I want to make a difference. I want to get my hands dirty…and I don’t see what’s stopping me from going out in the world and seeking that out now. A very dear friend of mine has built his career from scratch without going to college. He “did his time” by accepting low wage jobs to build a portfolio and lived on nothing for years (much like what one endures while in college) but he’s made it—he’s now in league with the people in his industry he’s looked up to since he was a teen…now I know that not how everyone’s life plays out. For me, the bottom line is, if I’m going to get a college degree, I want to know how I intend to use it.
Well then what are you going to do?
During the last few months I have considered many different possibilities, but they all have one thing in common and that is TRAVEL. As much as I’ve tried to balance out my desire to travel by saying it’s only ego-based, I’ve come to realize that it’s grounded in something deeper.
Now given that my world traveling experience equals zero, I’m consulting several experienced travelers before I make any big moves…but right now here is what I know:
I’ll be gone for at least six months.
I’m planning on visiting Thailand, Egypt, and the United Kingdom.
I’m going to buy an around-the-world ticket.
During my trip I will volunteer.
I do not want the typical “tourist” experience, I want to really get a feel for the true culture of each place I visit, by seeing the way its people live—not just seeing the destinations listed on the country’s tourism web page.
***
I’ve had a wonderful experience in my first three years of college. I’ve met professors who I know will be in my life for years to come. College is a rewarding experience, if you have a specific career in mind, or if your desire to learn is intrinsic. But right now what I’m seeking is learning through life experience, so that my future career and academic decisions will be based on more than the cumulative experiences of a 20-year-old white girl who’s lived in the same town her whole life.
Three years ago when I graduated from high school, I attended a month-long creative arts program at CalArts in Valencia as a writer. One of the visiting authors, Maria Dhavana Headley said something to me that has echoed in my mind time and time again over the last three years. She was signing my book, and I asked her, “Aside from the typical advice—read a lot, write a lot—what would you suggest a young aspiring author do?” Her one word answer, spoken as she placed her book back in my hands and looked me piercingly in the eyes? “Live.”
That’s what I’m going to do.
